I don’t know about you, but I get tagged in a few videos from people on my Facebook, the content of which are ‘gluten free’ recipes. In our very small corner of the world, it’s nice to see some recipes with naturally gluten free food being used. On the other hand, it’s super easy for people to confuse us who have to be gluten free on medical grounds, for low carb, fad diet people who like to ruin your favourite fatty treats.
I literally scroll through my timeline and see these everywhere, and I’m just like:
My list of the things I am talking about is just here, so read on!
Zucchini/courgette pizza bites.
Please don’t call a courgette a pizza base. The majority of people associate ‘low carb’ with healthy, but to me it’s pointless to try to convince me that this is a ‘game changer’. The same goes for cauliflower pizza.
Avocado as a burger bun.
This is fairly poncy if you ask me. To me, avocado is a burger filling, not a bun. Plus, I imagine this is fairly difficult to eat. You’d have to eat it with a knife and fork, and to me, if you can’t just pick it up with your hands and eat it, it’s not a burger! Just eat the bread, goddammit!
Sweet potato ‘toast’.
So I get tagged in multiple videos of this a lot. And I have problems with this. In the video, the person takes a knife and cuts perfect slices really easy! I will reward you with a medal if you can slice a sweet potato as easy as on the video. They probably never show it, but the potato has GOT to been softened somehow. The video makes it look like it can be done super quick, WHY ARE YOU LYING? Also, I can’t imagine it cooks in 3 minutes in a toaster. I also eat sweet potato in a salad or for my lunch/dinner, I can’t bring myself to make it a breakfast food. And another thing, as a coeliac, I struggle to get things like iron and fibre in my diet, so I rely on my lovely seeded gluten free bread to do this in the morning. Just eat the bread, it isn’t as horrible as people think.
Please, please can I just say, for all coeliacs, unless it states otherwise on the packet, regular rice is fine for us to eat. I do like cauliflower rice, but I don’t want to grate a cauliflower and prep it for ‘rice’ when I can pick up microwaveable rice and it be done in 2 minutes. I’m a millennial, which means I am most probably lazy. Cauliflower also makes me do some absolutely rancid farts, I won’t sugarcoat that at all. You can make it for me, but imma let you know, I can’t ever bring myself to prep it.
Mushrooms as taco shells.
So this is probably the smartest one, lots of lovely vitamins, high in protein, but I just can’t… A taco shell isn’t a vegetable. It HAS to be a corn or wheat tortilla. A tortilla isn’t that bad for you. Don’t act like gluten free tortilla wraps don’t exist!
Lettuce leaves as a wrap/burger bun/taco shell.
Stop doing this, restaurants. It’s mega depressing.
Butternut squash as a lasagne sheet.
The texture is really weird on this one, lasagne is meant to have pasta, pasta! Fair play if you’re going all out healthy on it, but to just replace your lasagne sheets, it’s not worth buying them pre-made, or the time spent trying to chop the squash. Most of the time, us coeliacs want something that’s close to what we were used to pre-diagnosis. I know I do.